IN THE LAST ARTICLE, WE COVERED KITCHEN DISASTERS THAT WOULD MAKE GORDON RAMSAY'S INCOMPETENT KITCHEN NIGHTMARES STAFF BLUSH. BUT WHAT IF U DONT WANT TO SELF IMMOLATE IN THE SAFETY OF UR OWN KITCHEN? WHAT IF U DONT GOT THE METTLE TO GORDON RAMSAY URSELF AND ARE 2 PUSSY TO TURN UP THE HEAT (IN BOTH SENSES OF THE EXPRESSION)? WELL GUESS WHAT BUCKO THERE R STILL PLENTY OF WAYS 2 RELIEVE US OF UR ANNOYING ASS PRESENCE ON HOMEWORLD, DONT START GOING 2 THERAPY JUST YET RETARD.
STEP 1. ACQUIRE SOME PLASTIC CARRIER BAGS AT YOUR LOCAL 24/7. APPROXIMATELY 3-5 OF THEM WILL BE ENOUGH.
STEP 2. REMOVE THE SHOELACES FROM ONE OF UR SHOES. KEEP EM HANDY.
STEP 3. PLACE THE PLASTIC BAGS OVER YOUR HEAD AND THEN BIND THE SHOELACES AROUND YOUR NECK TO KEEP THE CARRIER BAGS TIGHTLY SECURED. IF DONE CORRECTLY YOU WILL NOTICE YOU CAN NO LONGER BREATHE PROPERLY.
STEP 4. SUFFOCATE TO DEATH. TAKE QUICK, SHARP BREATHS TO EXPEND YOUR OXYGEN SUPPLIES QUICKLY AND SECURE A ONE WAY TICKET TO VISIT UNCLE SATAN IN HELL.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE NOW DEAD. NOT ONLY ARE WE FINALLY RID OF YOU, BUT YOU HELPED THE ENVIRONMENT BEFORE DEATH BY PUTTING SOME UNRECYCLABLE PLASTIC BAGS TO GOOD USE. FEEL PROUD OF YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'VE HIT 2 BIRDS WITH 1 STONE. THE ICING ON THE CAKE? THE CORONERS WON'T HAVE 2 LOOK AT UR UGLY FACE WHEN THEY COME 2 COLLECT UR CORPSE.